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Weed: 1 a (1): a plant that is not valued where it is growing and is usually of vigorous growth Sunday Trent talked about how those of us that follow the teachings of Jesus will cause the rest of the world to think us odd. He drew a diagram of two stick figures that was reminiscent of the kiss from the first spiderman movie. 
In this illustration, Spiderman follows hard after Jesus. No one likes to be thought of as odd. There is this innate desire in us to be loved and accepted by the world, but as followers of Christ, we are called to the exact opposite. Jesus was looked down on by the spiritual leaders of that time. He drank and danced and partied it up with what was considered the scum of the earth. His behavior was deplorable and the company he kept wasn't much better. And it is this example that he set that we are to follow. Yet for some reason we try REALLY hard to make sure that certain people like us and that we are accepted by this world. We play games with hierarchies and labeling people with certain values and worth. We sacrifice truth for the sake of popularity. We put value in the things of this world instead of things like prayer, fasting, scripture, and furthering the kingdom of God through intentional relationships and conversations with the lost--no matter the cost we see to our own kingdoms we've built on this earth.
There is a weed that is growing in the corner where a bunch of concrete and cement meet near my office. I was thinking the other day that it's actually quite pretty because of the flowers it's producing. And yet it is in perilous danger of getting squirted with some kind of weed killer or getting ripped out at the roots simply because it's in an inconvenient place. It can cause problems because no one wants a random plant, no matter how beautiful, to be stuck amongst our strong cement. Those roots can weaken a foundation and make it crack. | 
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I desire to be a weed in this world. I want to weaken the foundation of the worlds standards and make it crack. I want to produce beautiful flowers and be oddly viewed by people. And I want it to be this way because God has placed me here at this point on this earth, to be the one that is upside down and viewed strangely. Because as followers of Christ, we should all be a little strange. 1 Corinthians 4: 9-13 9 For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like those condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to human beings. 10 We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! 11 To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 12 We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13 when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world—right up to this moment.
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Being decimated by
God is a both an uncomfortable and beautiful existence and my current state of
being. I once was capable of operating
in a world where I separated my almost non-existent emotions from the rest of my
world and I thought it was a pretty good place to be. I considered myself strong and a force to be
reckoned with, making every situation something that I could conquer because of
who I was--non-emotional. In this new
place, I find a vulnerability I've never known, where I am hurting and growing
and breathing.
I recently had a
conversation with some friends about how I am currently operating… the first
person indicating that they can set aside whatever they're going through in
order to accomplish the task at hand.
When they achieve their goal, they pick up their load and continue
on. My other friend said that
compartmentalizing our emotions is bad, and that we should be truly feeling our
existence at all times, delicately weaving our emotional existence into our
life. The former is the way I used to
operate, and the latter is where I think I currently am. And up until that conversation I thought that
once God was done "fixing me", I would be able to once again set
aside my emotions to complete a task, and then pick them up on my way out the
door. In fact, I even said in the
conversation that I felt that God would eventually lead me back to that place
where I could function normally again.
But after thinking
about this for a little while now, I'm wondering if that is even a true
statement. Is it healthy for anyone to
attempt to turn off their emotions in order to be more effective in a moment
(assuming that the lack of emotions makes you more effective)? Sometimes life calls us to be present in our
full capacity to achieve a goal and there was a time when I considered my
emotions a deficit in who I am as a person.
And my first thought was still aligning with that broken part of
me. But now I'm in a place where I am
learning to embrace my emotions, instead of considering them a liability. Unfortunately, while I'm trying to figure
this whole thing out, I can argue both sides equally, and the quest for truth
is not as easy a path as I would like.
Then again, is it
ever? | | |
| Tonight after movie night I felt pulled in a lot of different directions. Some, if not all, of it was God wanting me to spend time with Him in some conversations. There's a place on Orange Ave that hosts live jazz on Friday nights and they offer the added perk of wireless, so here I sit on a very comfortable leather couch, listening to a better than decent jazz singer roll through Summertime... one of my favorites. In this soothing environment, I feel safe enough to talk through fear. We all experience fear at some point in our lives, and it's our reaction to that fear that matters. Lately I've been realizing that my response to certain fears have been paralysis, which chokes off my ability to utilize the gifts and talents God has given me. Not the best response at all and it's annoying. Annoying because I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. My initial response is education---educate myself on the topic or the situation, and that knowledge will then provide solid footing to pull myself up out of the mud. So several areas of my life are consumed with reading and having discussions, which fuel my passion for learning.
But one area of my life where I experience the most fear may not respond to education, which is.... well, scary. What do I do if the old standby of education doesn't result in a smooth transition of moving forward? What will I do then? I can't bring myself to continue to live in fear. If God has given me a gift, He expects me to use it. And so I want to use it, in spite of the fear. Maybe my motivation is to use my gift (assuming I have it!), understanding that the thing I fear the most is not living my life the way Christ wants me to, and that in order to avoid that death, press through. It's the act of truly free-falling, living out of my comfort, and enjoying the entire process.
Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high
Your daddy's rich
And your mamma's good lookin'
So hush little baby
Don't you cry
One of these mornings
You're going to rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And you'll take to the sky
But till that morning
There's a'nothing can harm you
With daddy and mamma standing by
Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high
Your daddy's rich
And your mamma's good lookin'
So hush little baby
Don't you cry
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| This evening I was listening to music in the office while I finished some work and I was listening to musicovery.com. Over the course of about an hour, I heard the following 3 songs, which are so similar, it's a bit disturbing.
BB King, Don't Answer the Door
Eric Clapton, Kind Hearted Woman Blues
Jimi Hendrix, Red House
I think the Jimi Hendrix version is the best, but I think he may have stolen it from BB King. Eric Clapton was a blatant rip-off.
It's still so good, though.
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| waBAM
"The well is deep" - and a great deal deeper than the Samaritan woman knew! Think of the depths of human nature, of human life, think of the depths of the "wells" in you. Have you been impoverishing the ministry of Jesus so that He can not do anything? Suppose there is a well of fathomless trouble inside your heart, and Jesus comes and says - "Let not your heart be troubled"; and you shrug your shoulders and say, "But, Lord, the well is deep; You cannot draw up quietness and comfort out of it." No, He will bring them down from above. Jesus does not bring anything up from the wells of human nature. We limit the Holy One of Israel by remembering what we have allowed Him to do for us in the past, and by saying, "Of course I cannot expect God to do this thing." The thing that taxes almightiness is the very thing which we as disciples of Jesus ought to believe He will do. We impoverish His ministry the moment we forget He is Almighty; the impoverishment is in us, not in Him. We will come to Jesus as Comforter or as Sympathizer, but we will not come to Him as Almighty.
The reason some of us are such poor specimens of Christianity is because we have no Almighty Christ. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment to Jesus Christ. When we get into difficult circumstances, we impoverish His ministry by saying - "Of course He cannot do any thing," and we struggle down to the deeps and try to get the water for ourselves. Beware of the satisfaction of sinking back and saying - "It can't be done"; you know it can be done if you look to Jesus. The well of your incompleteness is deep, but make the effort and look away to Him.
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